That USMNT performance wasn't awful, it was genius

November 17, 2016

Some men take a knee. Some raise a fist. Others throw a football game. 


Just this week, football hall of famer Frank Lampard announced that he would be leaving the MLS. His LA Galaxy counterpart, Steven Gerrard, has followed suit, declaring his departure from the American league on Monday, both echoing sentiments that life and culture across the pond have been hard to "adapt" to. In a seemingly unrelated note, the US National team dropped two World Cup qualifying performances, one to bitter rivals Mexico, 2-1, and one to Costa Rica, by a whopping 4-0. It would seem that the US footballing world is falling apart, and this reporter has the inside scoop: that's exactly what Jurgen Klinsmann and his lads want. 


In protest of xenophobic President-elect, America's very own Silvio Berlusconi, the US national team decided that they simply would not show up for Tuesday night's game against their hosts. America has a great history of sitting down in protest of injustice, and here was another case in point at Estadio Nacional. 


"I take full responsibility for this performance," Klinsmann, the former German National, stated in his post-game interview. But we're not letting you take all the credit, Jurgie, this droll performance was a full team effort orchestrated across the dressing room: nobody is to try hard in this fucking game. 


Jozi Altidore? Meek, child-like. Veteran Jermaine Jones, strangely absent. Skipper Michael Bradley? Never even got off the fucking bus. Even fresh-blooded #10 Christian Pulisic refused to get in on the action, a clear sign that this protest had coursed from the top to the bottom of the team. John Brooks purposely whiffing on clearances, Timothy Chandler drilling crosses straight into the stands, center back Omar Gonzalez getting flagged for offsides -- I'm onto you USMNT, and I like where your heads are at. 


In a world where sport can lose sight of the big picture in the chase for trophies, this squad has chosen its path, and it's woke as fuck -- politics over play; world peace over world cups! If only more teams could give less of a shit, then maybe we would see some real change in this world. These guys know what the dick I'm talking about: 

Correction: 9:42 PM, PT; Goalkeeper Brad Guzan was not in on the protest, and was apparently trying his very best. 

Please reload

Featured Posts

Narfboy Movie Reviews: Stranger Things 3

July 6, 2019

Please reload

Please reload

Search By Tags
Please reload

© 2018 by Bread & Circuses Press. 

All content is fiction.

  • w-facebook
  • Twitter Clean