"Game of Thrones" Spoiler Series: Installment 1

May 22, 2017

Welcome to the first installment of a series that will answer some of the most pressing questions and reveal the season 7 fates of all your favorite characters from HBO’s Game of Thrones. 


Before going any further, let me just start by saying if you don’t read spoilers, you’re missing out. Sure it might undermine the experience of watching the show, and certainly impacts the viewer’s emotional response, but there is nothing better in this world than ruining someone’s day/year/life by revealing to them the details of an upcoming GoT episode -- except maybe giving them fake spoilers and convincing them that they are real, yet getting the same outcome: ruination. 


Additionally, besides being a great way to infuriate people, sometimes knowing what’s coming can actually enhance an episode. Imagine watching the entire episode The Mountain and the Viper, and knowing Oberyn would get his skull smushed like an old melon ahead (LOL) of time.


Up until about halfway through last season, George RR Martin’s novels provided nearly all of the story lines that series creators Benioff and Weiss used in their on-screen adaptation for HBO, so it was pretty easy to figure out what was going to happen on Sunday night at 9 pm. However, we’re moving into uncharted territory now that the series’ story lines have outpaced the novels. But fear not, I have scoured the internet, and have compiled a list of the "most reliable" and "mind blowing" spoilers as the series approaches its penultimate season.


Each week, we will explore what’s to come in season 7, one character at a time. Our hope is to ruin all the mystique, suspense, anticipation and excitement you have for the final season of the groundbreaking series, thus allowing you to watch the series removed of all emotion, just like me in my every day life!


 We will start off this week by addressing two lingering questions about characters who still have a significant role to play.


Let’s get this underway.


Q1: Is Melisandre really old?


A1: Yes – she’s old. and she still fucks, which is gross.


Good thing she gets eaten by the Night King’s ice dragon in episode 4. That's right. Ice dragon. 


(image by sixus1)


Follow up question and related spoiler: Was that actually an old woman in that episode? Or CGI?


It was CGI.


Just kidding, it was actually an old, naked lady. You’re a perv.  


Q2: Will Jaime remain loyal to Cersei as she descends further into madness?


A2: This question has a very complex answer, and in order to begin to address what will happen between the two remaining Lannisters in King’s Landing, we’ll reach back into previous seasons. We have seen Jaime evolve throughout the show’s tenure, and has established himself as a fan favorite. Though his time as Brienne’s captive can be generally regarded as a turning point in Jaime’s character, he continues to struggle with his own inner demons, and will never be able to erase the infamous moniker, Kingslayer. Seeing as how Jaime’s backstabbing ended the Targaryen dynasty and sent Westeros into turmoil, it seems feasible that he could abandon his sister’s cause, and fight to restore a Targaryen to the throne. Jaime’s character will undoubtedly have real significance as Mother of Dragons makes her claim to rule the Seven Kingdoms.


Don’t be surprised if Jaime finds reconciliation for his previous sins and finds himself on the side of the good guys this time.


JK – Jaime’s totally hooked on that incest pussy. He stays loyal to Cersei.


Til he also gets eaten by the Night King’s ice dragon in episode 7.


That's it for this week! See you next sunday for the best troll series on the internet. 


Also, remember this? 




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