January 10, 2017
Have you all noticed this new thing palm trees are doing now that it's begun raining?
Sticking their sidelimbs out next to the head and pointing hands skyward, as if to say, "don't look at me, I'm innocent, I didn't know!"
Kind of like this: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, what exactly is it that you don't know?
That the smog rolling out from freeway to freeway thickens with each nightfall;
That the trash and recycle end up in exactly the same place;
That schoolteachers are taxed 25% of their earnings;
That the rent is TOO DAMN HIGH!
Or maybe it's that the world is on an egg timer now;
That polar bears are drowning in the north begging for food,
That every time the sun tucks behind the Pacific we take a collective inhale and worry it may never rise again.
Or maybe you just don't know that your roots are drying out from underneath you,
That you are just a postcard, an Instagram hashtag a filter away from being cropped out of all existence,
That the city just cut down half of your cousins to make way for a new bourgeousie housing complex on Brea Boulevard,
That your discarded trunk is worthless but my girlfriend's mom uses your dried fronds to house her succulents (which the dogs piss on at night, by the way);
Why don't you get a clue, man. Take those hapless, upturned palms and set them to earth, get your hands dirty for crissake, hold some goddamned water like your parents taught you!
I remember when we used to stand for something. When --
Oh.. oh that's what you do when it rains?
You, uh, you turn your palms up, oh..
so, so the water trickles into your trunk
yeah ok. Ok, ok I get it.
But still. Kids these days! Am I right?
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