How Neymar should spend that potential 222$ million

July 18, 2017


If the talk is true, and Barcelona confirm, then Neymar would leave the Catalan giants for Paris-Saint Germain, who want to trigger the Brazilian national's buyout clause: 222$ million American mother-fuckin money dollars. 


Now, Neymar would not be getting this money, rather Barcelona would be getting it if PSG and Barca do arrive at terms, but let's, for a minute, imagine a few things Neymar da Silva Santos Junior could do with 222$ million. 


Buy the most lethal fighter aircraft in the world


The US Air Force's F-22 Raptor "defines air dominance... through speed, agility, and lethal long-range weaponry." With radar-evading technology and cybersecurity, Neymar could soar above Europe on game day, ready to spit death on all of his haters. Probably not all that hard to operate either.


Buy 16 private islands 


It turns out islands really aren't all that expensive. And Neymar could acquire 16 of them, with prices ranging from $400,000 to $110 million, according to Business Insider, and still have a few dollars to play around with to buy golf carts and shit. Plus, he'll have a bunch of awesome places to land his fighter plane. Is that twice the money I was already talking about? Whatever!


Create 200 jobs in Alabama


By investing in a manufacturing plant in America's rural south, Neymar can assuredly create 200 jobs for hard working men and women. What will they manufacture, you ask? You name it! But probably cement or vinyl for low-income housing or something. Is it as sexy as a fighter plane that can destroy a poor country or a bunch of little islands where you can stash your cash and your hookers? No. But you can't put a price on the American Dream. 


Bribe the Nigerian President for access to a prime oil block


You gotta spend money to make money, and everyone knows bribing world leaders isn't only fun but it is super effective. But you don't wanna bribe someone for just anything, and buying access to some of Nigeria's most flourishing oil lands is like buying a gold mine. Would Neymar have to buy oil rigs, set up the infrastructure, and broker trade deals with nations and sketchy businessmen the world over? Yeah. Which is why we still think he should buy the fighter plane. 


Pledge it to the mideast to fight ISIS


If he thinks ISIL/ISIS are a threat to the free world (which he fucking better) then Neymar can donate his 222$ million to countries in the mideast who are fighting the extremist terror group. He can even ask for assurance that the money be used for non-military spending if he is averse to directly funding bombs and guns and all that war shit (which we don't think he is because it's clear he wants that F-22 fighter). 


Buy Hitler's Mercedes Benz 11 times


The current owner of the Fuhrer's prized possession is an anonymous Russian who bought it for 15$ million dollars a few years ago. Let's say Neymar finds the guy and offers him 20$ mil for the vehicle 11 different times, that would be a fast and easy way to acquire a historic jewel while dealing with the problem of having all this money at the same time. 



Make one really bad Disney movie


Most movies lose money, but only really bad Disney movies lose a fuck-ton of money. Think: a Civil War-era soldier is inexplicably transported to Mars. You spend about 175$ mil on production, 100$ mil on marketing, and bring in only about 30$ mil in 6 weekends. If that's not a savvy business plan for this footballer, I don't know what is (yes I do it's the fighter plane buy the fucking plane man). 

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