Millennials are just no good at these 5 things

September 20, 2017

Thank you for coming! Sorry to tell you, though, this is not an informative article of any sort. We really just wanted to see how many goons out there wanted to click through this baity title and read another overgeneralized listicle about generational differences.

 

We are 100% not serious about any of this and it is in no way supported by evidence or logic. Here you go, idiot, 5 things Millennials suck at.

 

1. Door Repair and other Handywork

Did they favor computer literacy courses over woodshop in high school? Are they a go-out-and-explore generation that prefers travel and experience to domesticity? Is it IKEA's fault for making furniture like Legos for millennials? We have no fucking idea! But it's worth thinking about. (No it's not.)

 

2. Saving Money

This would take a shit ton of research, and probably countless breaches of privacy rights, to get anywhere near a calculation which substantiates the claim that an entire generation of young adults is not as good at saving money as its predecessors, but YOU don't have any money in your bank, so you might believe this if I told you it was true, huh? It's not. But also maybe it is. Nobody knows.

 

3. Cooking

Millennials prefer to go out to eat. But also a lot of them prefer to stay home and cook. I know several millennials that just don't eat at all, crazy right? You know what else is crazy? I've had to spell check "millennial" six times so far since I began writing this. Two L's and two N's. Should I capitalize it? I feel like I do sometimes but then don't at other times. Whatever, hopefully I'll get another chance in numbers 4 and 5 (I bet I will!).

 

4. Going to the movies

How can you even be "bad" at going to the movies? By not going at all? Oh, so then everyone is bad at it. It's called Netflix Hulu HBO Amazon Prime and my 1080 LP 4D hot rod television and a big ass box of wine on my side counter while I fart all over the electric reclining sofa. Your granddad does it too and he loves it. (Dunkirk was good in theater though.)

 

5. Books

Good job reading this far. Here is a definition for books: a written or printed work consisting of pages glued or sewn together along one side and bound in covers.

 

 

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